My biggest fear is...going back to that place...

In the last 4 years I've lived a life I never imagined I would, I've met some of the most amazing people and fallen in love with each and every one of them and their passion for a beautiful life. I found a person inside me that I never knew existed but always wanted to be. 

I've also hit rock bottom, reached a place of darkness beyond anything I have ever experienced before. Felt more alone and scared than I ever had before. Was tempted with the thought of giving up, anything to just not feel that kind of pain. As I take on the stay at home mom role once again... This time doing it mostly alone....feeling restricted and confined with a new born at home...my biggest fear is returning to that place of darkness again....

Room for one more???

Well, baby number 5 is on it's way. I never thought in a million years that sentence would come out of my mouth! This is the first time I've actually been scared and very stressed about what's to come. Being a mother came naturally to me and I didn't really find it "hard" to deal with it all until trying to work outside the home with 4 kids. Now between cooking, cleaning, trying to earn money from home, and making sure the kids live an active enjoyable life.....I wonder where is #5 going to fit??? The minivan that used to be roomy and comfortable is now going to be packed full....the new house we just moved into isn't big enough....and me...running around non-stop..chugging coffee all day just to get enough energy to keep up!! Will I be able to manage it all???....I guess I will know soon enough...but everybody has a breaking point...right??? 

Well here we go on a new adventure! 5 weeks down only 35 to go!!!

Nothing else matters!!

It doesn't matter what is going on in the world.
It doesn't matter if our life is completely crazy!
And even when they are driving me absolutely insane.....I have so much love for these little monkeys!
when I look at them...nothing else matters!!!